How to Deal with Toxic People (A Guide for Christians) > 목회자칼럼

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1. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede. Unconditional love for our brothers and sisters in 

Christ is an admirable goal to hold, but very few humans are able to consistently pull 

this off without divine assistance. If you know you're about to enter into a difficult 

interaction with a person or group, petition the Holy Spirit to light the path before 

you and touch the hearts of all involved with the spirit of receptivity and reconciliation.

2. Pray for self-control and discernment. If you have strong communication skills 

and are a fast thinker, it's easy to lash out in hurtful anger before you even realize 

you're speaking aloud. You cause a rip in the fabric of your relationship with the other 

that is often very hard to mend, and chances are, you feel badly about yourself for

 losing control. Even if it’s in the heat of the moment, try to pause and pray for 

perspective and poise. If you can keep your composure, you’ll feel more dignified 

and better able to hear guidance about what to do and say next.

3. Diffuse the situation by depersonalizing it. Ask yourself: 

“Is this conflict really about me?” It could be that the other person has just 

experienced a horrible loss or is enduring a painful physical challenge. 

Try to become spacious and generous with your attention instead of contracted 

and self-focused. Put yourself in the other person’s situation, and open to the 

idea that this may have nothing at all to do with you. If you can bring some humor 

and levity into the situation, all the better!

4. Turn the pointing finger around. Examine your own reactions, judgments, 

and projections. As distasteful as it can be, we are called to look inward with 

as much fearless self-scrutiny as we can muster to find where we’re at fault. 

More often than not, the other person is mirroring something about ourselves 

that we do not care to claim ownership for. We keep the focus on their transgressions 

to avoid copping to our own. Prayerfully search inside and ask yourself. 

How am I contributing to the discord here? Is this person reminding me of myself 

when I’ve done the same thing? 

What are my true motives for my words and actions? 

Performed with a genuine intent to grow and heal, this exercise in self-discovery 

can lead straight into self-forgiveness. Remember that God loves to forgive us 

when we humbly confess our faults. And once forgiven, we have a lot more 

spaciousness in our hearts to extend mercy and acceptance to others.

5. Pray for them. Even if sometimes you pray through gritted teeth with 

clenched fists, try to call upon Matthew 5:44: “But I say to you, love your enemies, 

bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those 

who spitefully use you and persecute you.” 

Be aware that the grace with which you handle challenging interpersonal interactions 

might be the very catalyst that causes a troubled person to notice something 

“different” about you and ask, “Are you a person of faith? Tell me more about that!”